Curb your enthusiasm

"I have an analytical mind" the scientist father would say while sagely tapping his temple with his index finger. He'd say this with a tone that conveyed the rest of his thought: "you idiot child!" This would be in response to such things as his son's putting the wrong sized nut on a bolt and asking for help undoing it or accidentally knocking a "precision instrument" off the table.

One thing that bewilders me about this analytical mind is that it never lifted a sage finger to try to pass on the love of discovering the unknown. He never was involved in my education where I loved science. He never tried to encourage that interest.

In the second grade we had an assignment to do an experiment for our science fair. The best experiments of each class were entered in the school's fair. We had a book of experiments to give us ideas. I chose one that demonstrates that salt water is more buoyant than fresh water. My exhibit showed that a pencil weighted with a thumb tack in its eraser (to keep it from simply floating on its side) floats higher in a glass of salty water than in unsalted water. My entry didn't make it out of the classroom.

That was my only entry in a science fair. I've never been good at finding problems to solve. (I am very good at solving problems that thinkers come up with.) I wonder how things might be different if my father had been involved by challenging me analyze things better. Or to come up with questions that need to be answered then trying to answer them.

I guess he felt that teaching kids the the arts and sciences was the work of school teachers. At home kids are to learn such useful skills as how to fetch a 5/8"—11/16" box-end wrench from a horribly unorganized toolbox in less than two seconds.

Even when I misunderstood something in his area of expertise, chemistry, he wouldn't take time to teach anything about the subject. One morning while eating my Malt-O-Meal, I mentioned that when I add the sugar to it, it seems to get a little more watery than it was before. In school we had recently learned that when carbohydrates burn they turn into water and carbon dioxide. I speculated that maybe there was a chemical reaction going on where the sugar, a carbohydrate, is turning into CO₂ and H₂O and the newly formed water was staying in the cereal. He replied, in his analytical mind tone, if that were so that I could achieve the same result by just tossing in a lump of coal.

First, Mr. Scientist, my speculated reaction doesn't work with elemental carbon. It needs the hydrogen. And, besides, why not take the opportunity to do something useful like explain osmosis? Scientist, indeed! Analytical mind, bah!

OK, maybe he did occasionally encourage scientific investigation. He gave me the Edmund Scientific catalog. But he didn't often help me choose stuff or help me learn things from the stuff I got.

Music, it turns out, became a very important part of my life.

In the fourth grade I took up the violin. In the fifth grade I was going to try out the deeper, richer sounding cello. Here, my father was much more supportive than with the sciences. He encouraged my musical education with the little contract added to the bottom of this form:

Springer is where the New Mexico Boys’ School, a detention center for male juveniles, was at the time. I was threatened with being sent to Springer for things as minor as looking at him with crossed eyes. Since my father never exhibited a sense of humor, these threats must have been real.

By the time I got enrolled in the music program they had run out of cellos. I took a stab at the violin for another year. I'm sure I didn't practice daily but my contract became null and void when they ran out of cellos. No reform school because of a technicality!

Of course my father's taste in music didn't include what comes out of a cello or violin. His taste was that served up by K-Circle-B in Albuquerque. That was middle-of-the-road popular and country music. So he never really encouraged my musical education. (He probably discouraged it...the screechiness probably hurt his ears tremendously.)

I wonder how my life would have been different if I had gotten some encouragement in my attempts at learning music.

But if things had been different, I wouldn't be who I am now. I'm pretty happy with how I turned out.

Still, a little enthusiastic encouragement can go a long way. (I might have even had some happier memories to share.)

It turns out I wasn't responsible for my kindergarten teacher's pregnancy!

I had two kindergarten teachers. The first one went on maternity leave in the middle of the year, right after Christmas.

I don't know where the idea came from but I or several of the kids decided that it was our fault that she was going to have a baby. We had all given her candy as Christmas presents. You know, women who eat lots of candy get fat and women who are going to have a baby get fat. Logically, the only conclusion was that our candy caused her pregnancy.

My mid-year report to parents was prepared Jan. 6, 1961, by pregnant Mrs. Thomas. The introduction to the report explains that "a child's first year in school is probably as important a year of educational experience as he will ever have. The forming of good work habits or the lack of them will influence his entire life both in and out of school." That appears to be true.

I got the hoped for Generally or Not Yet check marks for most of the items in the report. The Sometimes items seem to have predicted the rest of my life rather accurately.

Under the Mental Growth's Oral Expression section I got Sometimes for:

• Does he express himself freely?
• Does he ask pertinent questions?
• Does he share his experiences vocally?

Nope, I still can't function vocally very well, especially with people I don't know. Small talk with strangers? Can't do it.

In Mentally Mature as indicated by the way he listens to stories, poems, songs, and group conversation I got Sometimes for Does he retell short stories. I can't remember stories very well. I can't remember the story of a movie unless I've seen it at least two times. Novels? Forget it. I can't remember two pages back in a book and can't keep the characters sorted out. (Oh, I'm very different from my sisters!)

Emotional and Social Growth: Sometimes ratings for:

• Is he self-confident?
• Does he have a healthful attitude toward group approval? (I don't know what that means.)
• Is he too submissive?
• Does he take the initiative in social situations?

Mrs. Thomas had me figured out from the beginning.

My year-end assessment by my second teacher, Mrs. O'Flaherty, told mostly the same story. I got a flat-out Not Yet for Has Leadership Qualities. That still hasn't shown up.

It looks like it's true that All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten. Or, really, if I haven't learned it in kindergarten it's never really going to catch on.