It turns out I wasn't responsible for my kindergarten teacher's pregnancy!

I had two kindergarten teachers. The first one went on maternity leave in the middle of the year, right after Christmas.

I don't know where the idea came from but I or several of the kids decided that it was our fault that she was going to have a baby. We had all given her candy as Christmas presents. You know, women who eat lots of candy get fat and women who are going to have a baby get fat. Logically, the only conclusion was that our candy caused her pregnancy.

My mid-year report to parents was prepared Jan. 6, 1961, by pregnant Mrs. Thomas. The introduction to the report explains that "a child's first year in school is probably as important a year of educational experience as he will ever have. The forming of good work habits or the lack of them will influence his entire life both in and out of school." That appears to be true.

I got the hoped for Generally or Not Yet check marks for most of the items in the report. The Sometimes items seem to have predicted the rest of my life rather accurately.

Under the Mental Growth's Oral Expression section I got Sometimes for:

• Does he express himself freely?
• Does he ask pertinent questions?
• Does he share his experiences vocally?

Nope, I still can't function vocally very well, especially with people I don't know. Small talk with strangers? Can't do it.

In Mentally Mature as indicated by the way he listens to stories, poems, songs, and group conversation I got Sometimes for Does he retell short stories. I can't remember stories very well. I can't remember the story of a movie unless I've seen it at least two times. Novels? Forget it. I can't remember two pages back in a book and can't keep the characters sorted out. (Oh, I'm very different from my sisters!)

Emotional and Social Growth: Sometimes ratings for:

• Is he self-confident?
• Does he have a healthful attitude toward group approval? (I don't know what that means.)
• Is he too submissive?
• Does he take the initiative in social situations?

Mrs. Thomas had me figured out from the beginning.

My year-end assessment by my second teacher, Mrs. O'Flaherty, told mostly the same story. I got a flat-out Not Yet for Has Leadership Qualities. That still hasn't shown up.

It looks like it's true that All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten. Or, really, if I haven't learned it in kindergarten it's never really going to catch on.