Classified Information

After the comics section, my favorite part of the newspaper is the classifieds. That's because that's where they put the puzzles. No day is complete without the New York Times crossword puzzle, the Jumble and the Sudoko.

In addition to the puzzles, there are some features I read that kind of baffle me.

One is the bridge column. I haven't played bridge since high school. They use terms like "splinter" and "transfer" bids that didn't exist when I was playing the game. The bidding conventions they use these days are strange (to me). The explanations of the processes used to learn the positions of the opponents' cards are fascinating. But I'll never put any of it to use. But it's interesting.

The feature that is amongst the puzzles that I don't want to read but find I have to is "The Family Circus." That Billy. That Dolly. That P.J. They are so precious. They make me barf. That Barfy. I can't help reading it when it is sitting right next to the puzzle I'm doing. It's got one panel and usually one sentence. It's so simple that a brief glance gets it all. But sometimes it is on a page I don't have to look at but find myself searching for just to see what sickeningly precious thing Billy has to say today. On Sunday, it's sitting between two strips I read but can simply blip over it. What is it about the daily panel that makes me look?

Barf.