Yesterday I took another hike up the mountain across the street from work. I thought it was a rule that out in the wilderness (and as things are, that was the wilderness) you always greet others out there when you meet them. It worked that way for almost all the people I passed on this walk. Except for a couple who were walking together. When I passed them one was about 15 feet behind the other. Each looked straight ahead as she passed me. They didn't even look down at the ground, pretending they were making sure they weren't trampling the tender regrowth after the fire. They just ignored me.
Maybe there is some evil aura around me that everybody can see that makes them look away? Or is it just our self-contained, iPod world?
I saw a horned lizard on my walk. I hadn't seen one of those in years.
Here are a few pictures of some flowers and other scenery I took with my cellphone on the walk. It doesn't take the greatest pictures. I adjusted the color and contrast and such in some of them. Maybe with some tweaking the phone takes OK pictures.
I don't know what most of them are.
Where I work as seen from the hill
A cross put up after the fires. For Easter?
14 comments:
Chuck (if that is your name) ... I had a thought while reading your blog which I stumbled across from hitting that little "next blog" button at the top of the page. Instead of noticing how many people don't notice you when you pass them, why don't you make an effort to notice and say hi to them? Who knows...maybe these other people are feeling the same way as you and your saying hello would really brighten their day. And my guess is, it would make your day better as well. Give it a try and report back.
Thanks for the visit, Anonymous.
I do take notice of other people. What I notice by a lot of them is their body language is saying "I choose not to see you." I respect their wishes not to be imposed on. If people feel that interacting with others is what they want then I think they would start by eye contact rather than avoidance.
The test to see if saying hello to a person choosing not to interact would be difficult to follow up on. There really is no way to know if saying hello to somebody avoiding other people would brighten up their days.
My post was mostly wondering if this is the way society in general interacts (well, doesn't interact) with each other. I wrote it from my point of view since that's the only one I have.
Now if everybody else says that most of the people they encounter acknowledge most people, then I'll have to look to see if my body language is screaming something unwelcome.
BobBIE and Uncle P used to run together every morning and made it a point to say "good morning" to everyone they met at that hour. Most people would respond, but if someone didn't, BobBIE and P would wait until they were out of earshot and then mutter a rude one-word characterization.
I greet everyone who comes to the store, and the staff does, too. I nod and smile to people on the street when I pass them. If they don't respond to me, tough patooties for them.
I've noticed that I'm treating everyone I pass as a potential book-buyer, so I'm more outgoing than I used to be.
I'm kinda with anonymous here....don't wait for them.
I always say hello and often "beautiful day, isn't it?" on my walks and hikes. If they don't say it first, then I say it. I don't wait for them. It is rare when they don't respond. If they don't, I figure they just didn't hear me.
At the SNFs, I always smile and say hello to everyone I pass in the halls....staff and patients alike. If it is the second or third time passing the same person, I still smile and make eye contact, but a "hello" or "good morning" seems redundant.
As for this, Chuckbert: There really is no way to know if saying hello to somebody avoiding other people would brighten up their days. ....it's easy! Doesn't it brighten your day? You are saying here on your post that you indeed avoid acknowledging other people, yet you seem to crave it from them.
I know that for me, when I'm in a crummy mood, having someone else acknowledge me does indeed brighten my day.
I think anonymous had a good idea: try being the first (or only) one and see what happens.
P.S. Pretty pictures...thanks for sharing!
"You are saying here on your post that you indeed avoid acknowledging other people, yet you seem to crave it from them." Hmmmmmm...you'd have to point out where I say that. And I hadn't noticed that I was in a crummy mood when I made my observations.
Anyway, my observation mostly is that it seems the world is full of distant people and I notice it where I especially expect interaction: encounters between superiors and subordinates and between people far from others.
At my place of employment, about the only ones who do not talk to underlings are the surgeons who are higher on the food chain, ie Cardio thorasics, most of whom cannot see anyone who is beneath them.
I have always thought, though, that most surgeons are very shy people and tended to get into some practice in which they have little verbal contact with people.
It is interesting walking to/from the girls' school. There are a few people that we see walking in the opposite direction every day, a couple never make eye contact and others start smiling and now say hello. There is a guy at the dry cleaners, who always stops what he is doing to wave as we go by, I always feel better seeing him.
"You are saying here on your post that you indeed avoid acknowledging other people, yet you seem to crave it from them." Hmmmmmm...you'd have to point out where I say that. And I hadn't noticed that I was in a crummy mood when I made my observations.
(You asked)
I guess I didn't express myself fully. I didn't mean that you were necessarily in a crummy mood. A few points:
1. You do state that you do avoid acknowledging those who don't acknowledge you when you say I respect their wishes not to be imposed on.
2. I got the impression from reading your observations, and the way you describe the (non) interactions, that you seem to be saying that you'd like for people to say hello and acknowledge you. So why not say it first? No matter what?....who can read minds, anyway? You say you are reading their body language and respecting their presumed desire to not be acknowledged, but my point is why not be the cheerier one? Why wait?
3. However, if indeed the reason that they didn't say hello is because they are in a crummy mood, then your smile and hello may lift it...it does for me. And my point that you seem to want the acknowledgment says to me that it would make you feel good, crummy mood or it. And if there is still a blank stare or avoidance, so what?
That's a lot of words to say, "Don't wait for them. Smile and say hello!"
Hello again Chuck. This topic sure has spurred a lot of comments! Good for blogging.
Anyhow, in response to what you said that you "respect people's wishes" by not saying hello because their body language is saying "I choose not to see you." -- First of all, I agree with izzy that you can't read people's minds. I honestly believe that those people whose body language you are reading are probably just uncomfortable stepping outside their comfort zone and saying hello to someone they don't know very well. And like I said, maybe they are feeling the same way as you; maybe they are reading your body language and think you don't want to be bothered. In that case, it's a downward spiral of nobody ever saying hello because either they are uncomfortable doing so, or they think the other person doesn't want them to. Either way, (like izzy says) WHO CARES! Just put a smile on your face and say hi or give a nod. It might surprise the other person at first, especially if they're not used to you saying hello to them, but after a day or two, I'm sure they'll look forward to passing you. Heck, I dare say even go so far as to learn their names! Who doesn't like it when people remember their names?! It's great to be noticed, so why don't you be that person who does the noticing?
Whenever I go walking in my neighborhood, I make it a point to say 'hello', 'good morning' or to give a smile to whomever I pass, all of whom are complete strangers to me. Some of these people have that, "I choose not to see you" or "do not bother me" look and body language you speak of. Many are looking down at the ground or across the street to avoid eye-contact as you talked about, but as soon as I look them in the eye, give them a smile and say hello, they almost always will smile back and give some kind of salutation. It makes me feel better, and I'd like to hope it makes them feel better as well. It gives me a better sense of community and makes me think that since I said hello to them, maybe they'll say hello to the next person they pass, and we'll all have a better day because of it.
Anyway, I don't mean to pick on you, especially since you said you were just having a crummy day and probably just needed to vent some frustration, but I still think you should give it a try. Start being the person who says hello and smiles at those he passes. And don't give up if people seem to be non-responsive at first. Give it time. If you stick with it for a few days (or even make it a lifelong habbit) I think you'll be happy with the results.
Hey Chuck, thanks for having this blog. I'm happy I stumbled upon it. I don't often browse through others blogs, but yours caught my eye. Keep up the good blogging! And I hope you have a good day today. :)
And... I love your pictures, I can't imagine that my phone could do that well. It is amazing how fast some places recover after a fire.
Gee, I didn't realize I was in this much of an interacting mood. This is different.
I think someone who maintains eye contact for 100 yards while approaching me is bound to nod and smile as we pass. I think the person who is wearing a visor and is facing the ground so his eyes are covered and has iPod earbuds in his ears with music I can hear from 20 feet away doesn't really want to be bothered with a smile and a nod. Somewhere between those types of people there is a line that divides the two types of people. It's probably a fuzzy line but I put it at avoidance of eye contact.
I hope that Anon and Izzy find that there is a point where they can tell that somebody intends to be alone. If I saw Anon or Izzy try to engage the latter person in conversation I would think they are one of those people who lives downtown and argues with lampposts.
I find Anon's assertion that (in response to my respecting people's wishes to be left alone) that I can't read minds (through body language) yet in the next sentence tells me that they are might be reading my body language (by looking in a different direction?!?) is odd. I am unable to read body language yet the rest of the world can? Why did I miss out on that ability?
I don't think I ever said I had a crummy day? I wonder where Anon got that impression. (Wait, why is Anon using Izzy's "crummy" characterization?)
Anyway, I think Anon and Izzy take their walks through wilderness areas (and neighborhoods) where I said I expect interactions and maybe even casual conversation. My walks usually are in industrial parks where I (an apparently most of the others) are out for exercise. We don't want conversation then. That would be counterproductive.
But why people avoid a causal smile and nod is bewildering to me.
One last thing and then I'll leave you alone. Promise. :)
I read through your posts again and you're right. You never said you were having a 'crummy' day. It was izzy who mentioned that, and I mistakenly thought it was you who did.
Also, I will agree with you that some people are in a "self-contained, iPod world" as you call it, and you are correct in assuming that those people probably don't want to be bothered. Plus they wouldn't hear you if you said hello anyway because their iPod music is too loud.
I'm not saying you need to stop and have a 10 minute conversation with everyone you pass. All I said was instead of complaining that others never notice you, you should start noticing others and give a simple smile or say hello. It's not that hard to do and I'm wondering why you're spending so much energy avoiding it. Affraid of a little interaction are we?
Also, I said that other people might be reading your body language to make a point. Not that they can reads minds and you can't, but that other people might be feeling the same way as you, that you (and others they pass) don't want to be bothered, but secretly they wish others would acknowledge them. I would tell them the same thing I have told you. Just swallow your pride and be the bigger person; say hello to those you pass in your "industrial parks" or at work. What's wrong with being a friendly face? You complain about others in their 'self-contained' worlds, so just don't be a hypocrite and act the same way. That's all I'm saying.
And by the way, great "Malcolm" video clip. Love that show.
One last word (I hope!). I hope nobody reads this because people and Anonymous are all as bored with it as I am.
In Anonymous's (I hope) parting shot, she admitted that she doesn't carefully read before posting. So I'm going to clarify some stuff for her that she didn't read.
I never complained that people don't notice me. I observed that people reject the smiles and nods I am planning on giving if they weren't so afraid of something as simple as noticing others passing by. I don't avoid the interaction as Anon decided to think. I don't know where that impression came from (and I really don't care any more). I think I have repeatedly said that I try to engage in the interactions.
Hey Chuck, I might as well join the debate. I want to address the problem of reading body language. People do vary in their nonverbal language abilities. People with Asperger syndrome cannot read body language at all. I work with a guy like that. He cannot see (for instance) that you want to cease a conversation and leave; sometimes you have to interrupt him and tell him in a style that would normally be rude.
Another interesting aspect of this situation is that people in Europe don't smile as much as Americans, though many of these Europeans demand much less personal space than Americans.
I realize that I haven't actually solved anything, but I really felt I must contribute.
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